Say What? Archive
What a long, strange strip it's been
Welcome to the Doonesbury Say What? Archive
August 14, 2012
"After graduating with highest honors, ITT did not get me a single interview. The job packet they would give you was full of fake jobs."
Former ITT student
"The real problem I saw was that there was no one in Career Services working on getting these students jobs. I believe none of my former students have been able to obtain a job in the field."
a department chair at UEI College
August 13, 2012
"The only 'job placement' the school does is search three websites (Craig's List, Monster and one other). Everyone searches those websites."
a Concorde student
"After graduation I went to the school to look for job placement and the two women who worked in that department had quit their jobs. I was told that no one would be able to help me find employment."
A Lincoln Technical School student
August 11, 2012
"I see a systemic problem here when there are only nine employees servicing the students that are being recruited by an admissions workforce of almost 1,600."
-- Kathleen Bittel, a career services employee at EDMC-owned Art Institute
August 10, 2012
"Do not bring up the subject again unless they do."
-- National American University training materials, instructing recruiters to deflect questions about tuition costs
August 09, 2012
"Welfare Mom w/Kids. Pregnant Ladies. Recent Divorce. Low Self-Esteem. Low Income Jobs. Experienced a Recent Death. Physically/Mentally Abused. Recent Incarceration. Drug Rehabilitation. Dead-End Jobs-No Future."
-- Vatterott's internal "Student Profiles", detailing the demographic subgroups it targets for enrollment
August 08, 2012
"It's a boiler room…selling education to people who don't really want it. If we don't have a degree they want, we are supposed to convince them that one of ours will work for them anyway."
a former Bridgeport recruiter
"DO NOT GIVE TOO MUCH INFORMATION." (emphasis in original)
Career Education Corporation instructions to recruiters
August 07, 2012
"KEEP DIGGING UNTIL YOU UNCOVER THEIR PAIN, FEARS, AND DREAMS. IF YOU GET THE PROSPECT TO THINK ABOUT HOW TOUGH THEIR SITUATION IS RIGHT NOW AND IF THEY DISCUSS THE LIFE THEY CAN'T GIVE THEIR FAMILY BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A DEGREE, YOU WILL DRAMATICALLY INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF GAINING A COMMITMENT
FROM THE STUDENT!" (emphasis in original)
-- from Kaplan University recruiter training materials
August 06, 2012
"When your degree hangs on the wall in a few years, will you tell your friends and family you bought the cheapest degree you could find?"
what recruiters at University of Phoenix were instructed to say if a student prospect questioned the cost
"Why would you not want to invest in yourself?"
-- another prompt from the same recruiter's manual
August 03, 2012
"I know who you are. You ruined our country!"
-- A neighbor of Karl Rove, when Rove introduced himself on the street
August 02, 2012
"32,229." -- Number of reported UFO sightings, 2000-2007
"352." -- Number of deaths caused by lightning, 2000-2007
"9." -- Number of possible occurrences of voter impersonation, 2000-2009