Say What? Archive
What a long, strange strip it's been
Welcome to the Doonesbury Say What? Archive
August 11, 2012"I see a systemic problem here when there are only nine employees servicing the students that are being recruited by an admissions workforce of almost 1,600."
– Kathleen Bittel, a career services employee at EDMC-owned Art Institute
August 10, 2012"Do not bring up the subject again unless they do."
– National American University training materials, instructing recruiters to deflect questions about tuition costs
August 09, 2012"Welfare Mom w/Kids. Pregnant Ladies. Recent Divorce. Low Self-Esteem. Low Income Jobs. Experienced a Recent Death. Physically/Mentally Abused. Recent Incarceration. Drug Rehabilitation. Dead-End Jobs-No Future."
– Vatterott's internal "Student Profiles", detailing the demographic subgroups it targets for enrollment
August 08, 2012"It's a boiler room…selling education to people who don't really want it. If we don't have a degree they want, we are supposed to convince them that one of ours will work for them anyway."a former Bridgeport recruiter"DO NOT GIVE TOO MUCH INFORMATION." (emphasis in original)Career Education Corporation instructions to recruiters"
August 07, 2012"KEEP DIGGING UNTIL YOU UNCOVER THEIR PAIN, FEARS, AND DREAMS. IF YOU GET THE PROSPECT TO THINK ABOUT HOW TOUGH THEIR SITUATION IS RIGHT NOW AND IF THEY DISCUSS THE LIFE THEY CAN'T GIVE THEIR FAMILY BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A DEGREE, YOU WILL DRAMATICALLY INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF GAINING A COMMITMENTFROM THE STUDENT!" (emphasis in original)"
– from Kaplan University recruiter training materials
August 06, 2012"When your degree hangs on the wall in a few years, will you tell your friends and family you bought the cheapest degree you could find?"what recruiters at University of Phoenix were instructed to say if a student prospect questioned the cost"Why would you not want to invest in yourself?"
– another prompt from the same recruiter's manual
August 03, 2012"I know who you are. You ruined our country!"
– A neighbor of Karl Rove, when Rove introduced himself on the street
August 02, 2012" "32,229." -- Number of reported UFO sightings, 2000-2007 "352." -- Number of deaths caused by lightning, 2000-2007 "9." -- Number of possible occurrences of voter impersonation, 2000-2009"
August 01, 2012"Harry, he didn't pay any taxes for 10 years."
– Senator Harry Reid, quoting a Bain investor about Romney
July 27, 2012"It is more likely that an individual will be struck by lightning than that he will impersonate another voter in the polls."
– from a Brennan Center of Justice report